Fishing Humor
10 COMMON FISHING TERMS EXPLAINED
Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.
Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.
Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a bandaid, you soon find that you need more than one.
Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming "that damn line" for once again losing the fish.
WHY DOGS MAKE BETTER FISHING BUDDIES
THAN HUMANS DO
1. Dogs are loyal, faithful and don't lie about how they've caught bigger fish than you.
2. Dogs don't steal your favorite lures (though an especially cute pupper might steal your heart).
3. Once back at the dock, a dogs won’t tell tales about what a bad day on the water you had.
4. Dogs will listen to endless repetitions of your "big one" story without complaint.
5. A dog will never arrive at your boat attired in perfectly color-coordinated pastel fishing clothes that just scream out...geek.
6. A dog will never drink the last beer. (The same, however, cannot be said of the last turkey sandwich in the cooler.)
7. A dog will never try to guess how much you paid for your boat and then snidely tell you that you should have gone to his Uncle Bubba for a better deal.
8. Dogs rarely call at the last minute to say they're sick (especially if there's going to be the above-mentioned cooler packed with sandwiches on board).
9. Dogs don't demand a turn driving your brand new, ostentatiously-overpowered fishing machine.
10. A dog will never tell that you were napping when the “big one” that you’d waited for your entire life arrived, nibbled at your bait, and, with a goodbye splash, left for better waters (because he will have been napping right along side you).
Why boats are better than women..."
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Apologies if you've seen these before, but I thought it was pretty funny!
Why boats are better than women:
1) Both are expensive and high maintenance, but you get to ride your boat more.
2) You can steer a boat.
3) If your boat isn't running, you can choke it a few times and it'll crank up and run right.
4) You can swap your old boat out for a new one and still keep your house and car. Plus, older boats don't trash you every time they see you with your new boat.
5) You don't mind if your buddies see you being dragged behind your boat.
6) When you get on them, boats don't gripe about how you've gained weight.
7) Boats don't mind when you ride other boats.
8) A boat's bottom is always the same size as the first time you boarded it.
9) When boats retain water you can pull the plug and drain them.
10) When you have no use for a boat, you can put it in storage until you're ready to play with it again |